Not all relationships last a lifetime like the characters in the movie The Notebook. People get to know each other, build relationships, and part, sometimes by a joint decision, and sometimes someone alone becomes the initiator of the separation. There is no universal instruction on how to break up with a guy, but I offer tips that will help you do this as tactfully and accurately as possible. So you should…
Understanding the Reasons
What could be the reason for breaking up a relationship?
1. Change of priorities. Let’s say that at the beginning of the relationship, both of you were busy with a career. After a while, you wanted to start a family and become a mother, but he did not. It’s okay when priorities change, but “pulling” a partner along with you is a bad idea. Everyone has the right to live the life that suits them. It is better to break up with a guy whose values do not match yours and look for a partner with consonant plans for the future than to impose your will on another person.
2. The partner suddenly disappears and just as suddenly appears. You have a great time together, and then he stops responding to messages and disappears. He returns as if nothing had happened, does not explain anything, or says: “I was busy, sorry.” It is unlikely that he values you and your relationship, and this is already a good reason to break up with a guy.
3. He is never satisfied. Life is decay, there are only stupid people around, the country is not the same, the power is not the same, and no one understands his subtle spiritual world. Attempts to pay attention to something good, but he ridicules or withdraws into himself. To continue a relationship with a man who looks at the world through a gloomy filter means losing colors and his life.
4. He wants to control you – who to spend time with, how to eat, what clothes to wear and what not, what to listen to, read, and watch. If you are humiliated, banned, or ridiculed about what is valuable to you, convinced that no one needs you, these are serious reasons to break up with a guy. It is naive to believe that with gentleness and humility, you will change him and his attitude – run away from a toxic partner without looking back.
5. If he is addicted to alcohol, drugs, games, or whatever. An illusion may appear that you will be able to help and save him, but he must do this together with specialists. Don’t take the time to break up with an addicted guy, otherwise, you risk staying in a codependent relationship and living a life that isn’t yours.
6. If you use relationships as a way to solve your problem – for example, housing, financial, social, or proving something to someone, but the partner is not interesting to you or even unpleasant. This is unfair to him and to himself.
Think ahead and avoid accusations
Get ready for the conversation. Formulate the reason so that you talk about yourself, and not blame your partner. Your words should be as clear as possible, without double meanings. Before breaking up with a guy, rehearse your speech. Surely you will say everything differently, but saying everything in advance will help you tune in, and feel more confident. And please don’t say “It’s not about you” – this cliché has acquired a negative connotation and can only cause more pain or anger to your partner.
Preparation for the Breakup
In today’s world, email or texting seems like a tempting way to avoid a showdown, but it’s wrong. When you weigh everything and decide to break up with a guy, it is important to report this not in correspondence, but in person. Stay calm, avoid flashbacks, and choose the right place to talk.
Planning the Conversation
A neutral place means one that you have never been together and that does not have a romantic past. To break up with a guy, do not plan a meeting on your or his territory, in a deserted or, conversely, too passable place. Let it be a busy area with the opportunity to be on the sidelines – for example, a table in the corner of a cafe hall, or a bench in a park during the daytime.
Having the Conversation
Even when you’re confident in your decision, voicing it can be tricky. It is terrible to offend, hurt, and be drawn into an ugly scene, I want everything to go peacefully and calmly. Sometimes this leads to saying something that can give a man hope for a resumption of a relationship:
- I felt good with you, maybe we will get back together sometime;
- Maybe I need time to think about it some more;
- Some part of me still loves you;
- I have never felt such feelings for anyone as I have for you;
- We can stay friends.
To finally break up with a guy, do not leave him with false hopes. It would be right to stop communicating, especially for the first time after the break.
Breaking up with a guy means freeing not only the physical space of each other but also the virtual one. Unfollow his social media profiles, and don’t call, text, or initiate meetings yourself. Warn him about this, and explain that this is not a demonstrative gesture, but a way to ease the gap between you both. Answer his calls in a friendly manner, but do not get involved in the details of your life. Gently but firmly stop attempts at intimate conversations and memories, and do not leave any reason to think that there is a chance to start all over again.
If you have mutual friends, reduce meetings with them, and do not go for some time to cafes and places where you liked to spend time – it is likely that he will look for meetings with you there. And your task is not only to break up with the guy but also to help him avoid contact with you, give him time to come to terms, and accept the end of the novel.
You can also get Personal Boundaries: What They Are and Why They Matter
Learning and Growing
If several months have passed since you decided to break up with a guy, and you still return to him with thoughts, if you feel guilt, shame, regret, resentment, or other emotions that poison your life, seek help from a psychologist. The specialist will help clarify difficult points, better understand your emotions, detect a possible repeating scenario and come to important conclusions.
Is it okay to feel sad after a breakup?
Yes, it’s normal to feel sad when a relationship ends. It’s important to talk to someone you trust, like a family member or a teacher, about your feelings.
Can we still be friends after breaking up?
Sometimes it’s hard to be friends right after a breakup. It’s important to give each other space and time to heal. Later on, you might be able to be friends again.
How long does it take to feel better after a breakup?
Everyone is different, so it can take a different amount of time for each person to feel better. It might take a few weeks or even a few months. Just remember to be patient with yourself.
What if I change my mind and want to be together again?
It’s okay to have second thoughts, but it’s important to think carefully about your feelings. Talk to your friends or family for advice, and remember that communication and trust are important in any relationship.
How can I make sure I don’t make the same mistakes in future relationships?
Learning from past mistakes is a good way to grow. Think about what went wrong in the relationship and try to learn from it. It’s important, to be honest, listen to others, and respect yourself and others in future relationships.