Imagine that you have the opportunity to eat your favorite dish or dessert every day. Cake or Pavlova dessert – whatever! At first, it will be tasty and joyful, after a few days the novelty and pleasure will begin to dull, and after some more time, you will most likely want to look at your favorite dish before. And, if we cook and eat different things, avoiding the very “tired”, then in a relationship with a partner, not everything is so simple. How to cope with the routine and prevent the fading of interest in each other?
Routine in a Relationship
At the beginning of a relationship, sympathy, interest, and attraction arise. You miss meetings with your girlfriends, delay the deadline for submitting a report at work, and all you think about is the upcoming meeting and that playful message that he sent in the middle of the night. I want to spend as much time together as possible, laugh at his jokes about a neighbor, show each other all my favorite films, tell everything, everything important about myself, and find out everything, everything that my beloved is ready to share. Weekends are often spent in bed, you skip a workout to spend more time together, and the whole world narrows down to one single person when you’re in love. This is a normal stage of any relationship, but, of course, it ends sooner or later.
Routine: The Silent Relationship Killer
When these impulses and passion subside, people slowly return to their usual schedule. A certain schedule is developed: work, life, meetings with family and friends, sex, walks, and hobbies. You know what and when you do together – on the one hand, it is convenient and predictable, on the other hand, it is predictability that breeds boredom. Returning to the metaphor about the same dish, imagine: you know that from now on and all the time you have borscht for lunch. Longing takes, right?
Think about it: what have the last few months been like for you? Don’t you have the feeling that you, as the hero of Bill Murray, are caught in an endless “Groundhog Day”? Is your week and time with your loved one scheduled by the day and by the hour?
Routine leads to boredom. The relationship slowly fades as you both wonder how this could have happened. What can you do to keep boredom out of your relationship?
1. Keep your distance. It is a partnership, not a merger, that allows you to maintain interest in each other. Personal space, your circle of friends, and the ability to “disconnect” for a while feeds each of you, increasing attraction to the other. Leaving conversations about everything only for a partner, sharing with him all the affairs and activities, we do not leave each other space and air. Due to the demands of exclusivity and – especially – the loss of freedom, sexuality also fades.
2. Find space for spontaneity. The less pressure you feel from the things you do, the better. Allow yourself to be more spontaneous. Used to spending Friday night watching a movie and eating pizza for dinner? Go for a walk or take a pizza, a blanket and have a picnic somewhere in the park. Leaving room for novelty and unpredictability, you do not let yourself or your partner get bored.
3. Look at your partner from the outside – when he is enthusiastically busy with business, when he communicates with someone and enjoys it, even when he enthusiastically cuts into his favorite computer game. In other words, when the focus of his attention is not directed at you, and when he is exactly in his place. These “beams of spotlights” can remind you what butterflies fluttered inside you at the dawn of a relationship, how attractive and interesting your partner was, and perhaps even after time and habit, you will be able to resurrect this halo of love around the personality of another person.
4. Do what is interesting for each of you. Autonomy of interests is important for each of the partners. Encourage your partner’s hobbies that are not related to you, and allow yourself to have hobbies that you will not share with another either.
5. Look for opportunities to keep feeling excited. You can go somewhere for the weekend, arrange a surprise, or give a gift for no reason – anything that helps you leave the exciting feeling of intimacy, seduction, and sensuality that was present at the beginning of the relationship.
Returning to the metaphor of cooking, I wish you in the kitchen of relationships as many different ingredients, seasonings, and creativity as possible in preparing one – very special – dish.
1. How do I know if the routine is negatively affecting my relationship?
You might notice signs that routine is causing problems in your relationship. These signs include feeling bored or stuck, not feeling excited or happy with your partner, having trouble talking to each other, and feeling unhappy overall. If you notice these things, it could mean that routine is causing issues in your relationship.
2. Can routine be good for a relationship?
Yes, the routine can be good for a relationship in some ways. It helps create stability and a sense of security. It can also make it easier to manage daily responsibilities and tasks. However, too much routine can become boring and make the relationship feel stale. It’s important to find a balance between routine and spontaneity.
3. Is it normal to feel bored in a long-term relationship?
Yes, it’s normal to feel bored at times in a long-term relationship. After being together for a while, the initial excitement may fade, and routines can become repetitive. However, there are ways to overcome boredom by trying new things together, having open and honest communication, and keeping the relationship fresh and exciting.
4. How can I talk to my partner about the routine in our relationship?
When talking to your partner about the routine in your relationship, it’s important to be open and honest. Choose a time when you both are calm and relaxed. Use “I” statements to express how you feel and avoid blaming or accusing your partner. Listen to their perspective and try to find solutions together. Remember, communication is key in addressing any issues in a relationship.
5. What if my partner doesn’t want to change the routine?
If your partner is not interested in changing the routine, it’s important to have a conversation about your feelings and desires. Try to understand their perspective and find a compromise that works for both of you. Start by making small changes or introducing new activities gradually. It may take time for your partner to come around, so be patient and continue to communicate your needs and concerns in a respectful manner.