The other day I was discussing recent purchases with a friend, after which I thought: “Why are we harm of saving?”
. In a conversation, I shared that I found some good things for my daughter for ridiculous money because they are not new. And a couple of things for myself. To which the friend replied: “Oh, but I still don’t dare to buy used things for my son. He – easily, but he wants everything new. But the funniest thing about this is that a child will grow out of clothes in a season, while we adults can wear a thing for several years – and at the same time we are used to saving on ourselves.
Why do women save themselves?
“I am the last letter in the alphabet”, “And you don’t want anything else?”, “If you want, you want it” – how many times did we hear these phrases in childhood? Thinking of yourself last, choosing the “practical” over the “beautiful,” taking care of the interests of others first—this is where the habit of choosing the best for others, but not for yourself, grows.
Many of us grew up in the 90s watching our parents try to save on everything they could, including themselves. Earning money was not easy, and any “I want” that a child said could cause irritation and response in the spirit of: “You want it!”. So we learned that our desires are not important, not significant, and do not have the right to be realized. As adults, we subconsciously continue to brush aside our “I want”, and do not think about how such a habit harms us.
The potential harm of saving too much
When a woman treats herself under the slogan “saving is my everything”, her quality of life inevitably suffers. Behind every choice in favor of “cheaper” or “free” will be its resource. I chose a cheap dress from an incomprehensible fabric – most likely, it will lose its shape or spread at the seams faster than a more expensive dress. I decided to celebrate my birthday at home so as not to “overpay” for a party in a cafe – I spent a lot of time and effort planning the menu, buying, cooking, baking, and cleaning, and there is no strength or mood for the holiday itself. And after the reception of the guests also wash the dishes! She canceled a trip with her friends for a few days (“Vacation without family? How is that? Not fair!”) – and she seems to have done everything right, but she will take such a dreary feeling when she sees the photos that appear on Instagram. And then, at meetings with friends,
If you save on yourself constantly, and not from time to time, dissatisfaction becomes background. My experience is that in this case it takes a lot of energy, lowers self-esteem, undermines the joy and pleasure of life, and awakens irritation, envy, and condemnation of other people. These feelings feed dissatisfaction, and we fall into a vicious circle, not understanding at what point it arose and what can be done with it.
How to stop saving on your own desires
Saving on your desires is not always about money. Often our most important resource is time. When you save a book to make a special craft for a child for a school competition, you save on yourself. When a colleague pours out a bunch of complaints at you during a lunch break, you feel uncomfortable eating during this monologue, and you finish your cold food on the go – you save on yourself. When after work you want to take a bath, watch a movie and go to bed, but your conscience does not allow you to boil dumplings for dinner, and you spend an hour at the stove, then at the sink, and at the same time iron your husband’s shirts – you save on yourself. Each of us has those very “unimportant” desires that are not about “necessity”, but about “whim”. And the habit of pushing them for the needs and demands of others. How to stop doing this?
- Review your beliefs. Figure out which ones are really yours and which ones have been sitting inside since childhood. If you have not asked for anything for yourself for many years, changing this can be difficult. Guilt or fear that you will not be understood and judged may interfere. Replace in your thoughts every installation with “I am the coolest letter of the alphabet”, and do not be afraid to start small.
- Learn to ask for help. So sometimes you want to be a superwoman, to be on time for everything and to do perfectly what you undertake! But that doesn’t happen. And there are only 24 hours in a day. So learn to ask for help when you need privacy or a day off from the household.
- Give yourself permission to choose yourself from time to time. No, this will not make you an egoist who demands: “Circle me, circle!”. Everything in the world is built on balance: when you are filled with yourself, you have something to give to others. For someone, an hour in a cafe with cakes and coffee is enough for fullness, for someone it is enough to spend time with friends, without being distracted by hours and thoughts “Oh, it’s time for me to go home”, and someone recharges in a spa or shopping.
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It is really important to show concern, care, and understanding towards others, to satisfy other people’s needs. This is something that in many ways maintains our closeness with people and nourishes relationships. Please remember that you yourself deserve the same support and care – first of all from yourself. If you recognize yourself in this text, allow yourself to want a little more than you are used to. Learn to be generous to yourself. You’ll like it!
Can I save money and have fun too?
Yes, you can save money and have fun at the same time. It’s important to find a balance between saving and enjoying life’s experiences.
How much money should I save?
The amount of money you should save depends on your individual circumstances. It’s a good idea to save a portion of your income each month, even if it’s just a little.
What are some ways to save money?
You can save money by cutting back on unnecessary expenses, like eating out less or finding cheaper alternatives. It’s also helpful to create a budget and track your spending.
Is it okay to spend money sometimes?
Yes, it’s okay to spend money on things that bring you joy or fulfill a need. Just make sure you’re not overspending and that it aligns with your overall financial goals.
How can I stop feeling guilty about spending money?
It’s normal to feel guilty about spending money, but remember that it’s important to take care of yourself and enjoy life. Create a budget and allocate some money for fun activities to help ease any guilt.