Social networks and apps like Tinder are increasingly becoming a place to meet people. And regardless of what you want – flirting and lightness or relationships that will culminate in the creation of a family, alarm bells can appear on the first date.
What to look for on a first date?
1. Place and time of the meeting
If the choice of a place is convenient only for a man or just seems strange to you (his friend’s apartment, a cafe on the outskirts of the city, an offer to “walk in the park” in cold weather) – think about whether to agree. Those who are ready to meet only on weekdays, but not on weekends, may not be as free as they want to seem.
It’s just that the saying sounds good about “appearance is not the main thing,” and often it really does not determine the success of a relationship. In life, appearance is the first point of contact with another person. Even if a man is handsome like Apollo, but, let’s say, he is sloppily dressed, he has unkempt hands, or he smells of sweat – you understand without me that this is a bad sign.
Being late, having bad manners at the table, smoking in your presence without asking permission, and constant distraction on the phone suggest that the man is not trying very hard to impress you. But at first, many people want to seem better than they really are … If this is the best version of themselves, then what is waiting for you next?
4. Talking about past relationships
There is nothing wrong with touching on the topic of “former”. As for me, at the first meeting, let’s say a context like “my past relationship lasted several years, and reached a dead end” or “the breakup was not easy for me.” If a man tells in detail what was wrong, speaks rudely about his former passion, blames her for all the difficulties, or, conversely, praises her for too long and broadcasts the idea that there is definitely no such wonderful woman in the world, it does not mean anything good. In the first case, it becomes clear that the person is not critical of himself and is used to shifting responsibility to others, in the second, he may still have feelings for another woman or hope to renew their relationship.
With people for whom “there are only two opinions: the wrong one and mine,” it’s not easy to build even a dialogue, not to mention relationships.
6. Remarks and nit-picking
Did you hear a remark about your clothes, hairstyle, and nail polish color already at the first meeting? Finish your wine or coffee and say goodbye. Such statements at the beginning of an acquaintance are a hint of despotism.
It happens that a man looks supportive of you, but finds fault with everything around: the lighting in the cafe is not bright enough, the waitress did not smile so much, the dishes were not warmed up before serving, the chair is too hard … People who tend to concentrate on the bad rarely enjoy life.
High-income levels and achievements in any field are important, but there is a tangible line between calm recognition of one’s successes and unbridled boasting. You will surely be able to distinguish one from the other and draw conclusions.
8. Interests and lifestyle
For example, if you have refused to eat meat for ethical reasons, and your new acquaintance is passionate about hunting and enthusiastically talks about how much pleasure it gives him, it is clear that there is very little chance of continuing the acquaintance. But what if you don’t both have such contrasting interests? Pay attention to the ratio of work and leisure in a man’s life, and his idea of what ideal weekends should be. If your lifestyle does not match the schedule and workload of a potential partner, and you do not intend to adjust it to another, this will become a source of inconvenience and possible disagreement.
9. Monologue or Dialogue?
Does the man ask questions about you and listen? Tells about himself? Does it feel like playing ping pong? I congratulate you, dialogue and mutual interest are excellent. If you listen to an endless monologue all evening, it seems that a man only needs free ears, and your personality, interests, and desires do not interest him.
10. Lots of flattery
An appropriate compliment can sound nice, flattery and too many words of praise at the first meeting are overkill.
And, of course, listen to your intuition. Any warning signs may not look like that to others, but they will hook you, and this is more important than universal lists about manners-interests-appearance. If something is bothering you, causing irritation, anxiety, or concern, focus on your feelings. And even though there are no ideal first dates, I sincerely wish you pleasant and exciting acquaintances.
FAQ 1: What do I do if the conversation feels awkward?
If the conversation feels uncomfortable, try to make a joke to lighten the mood. You can also change the topic to something more comfortable. Just be yourself and try to stay calm.
FAQ 2: Who pays for the date?
It’s nice to offer to pay for the date, but it’s also okay to split the bill or take turns paying. Talking about it and deciding together is a good way to avoid any confusion.
FAQ 3: Can I talk about my past relationships?
It’s best to focus on getting to know each other instead of talking about past relationships. Save those discussions for later when you know each other better.
FAQ 4: How do I know if there will be a second date?
If you feel like you’re having a good time and the other person seems interested in getting to know you more, there might be a chance for a second date. It’s a good sign if the conversation flows easily and you feel a positive connection.
FAQ 5: Is it okay to kiss on the first date?
Kissing on the first date is a personal choice. It’s important to pay attention to the other person’s feelings and make sure they’re comfortable. If you both feel a strong connection and want to, a goodnight kiss can be nice. Just make sure it’s consensual and respectful.