Everyone has flaws, and envy is just one of them. We have seen many examples in cinema and literature of how this negative feeling destroys human lives or leads to a bad end. In fact, there is nothing wrong with envy if you learn to work with it. This is what I want to talk to you about today and tell you how to stop being jealous.
What is envy?
In simple words, envy can be described as a negative feeling caused by the success of other people. Where does it come from? We can remember him from the earliest years. For example, when you went to kindergarten, your girlfriend had a luxurious doll, you really wanted the same one and you were jealous. In the case of children, this is justified, because they do not have enough accumulated experience in order to correctly assess the situation, draw a conclusion and calm down. But we grow up, and the feeling of envy can often make itself felt. Moreover, in some cases, it manifests itself very sharply and painfully, expressed in severe grief or even depression.
Many of us compare ourselves to others:
- Beautiful girls on social media,
- Movie stars,
- Married girlfriends,
- Or friends who have achieved more in life than you?
Social networks especially fuel the feeling of envy, because in their “Instagrams” people do not write about how their pipe burst and the apartment was flooded, or they were suddenly fired from their jobs. No, they show themselves from the best side, showing off their appearance, success, wealth, and popularity. Under such circumstances, envy will prick anyone, even if outwardly he does not show it in any way. But inside, an offensive feeling of injustice towards you will sit down. These experiences lead to low self-esteem and the depreciation of oneself as a person.
Envy is expressed in a bad mood, demotivation, and irritability and, ultimately, leads to depression. Long-term experience of these feelings causes the destruction of relationships with others, neuroses, and serious intrapersonal conflicts.
There is such a thing as “white envy” – this is a feeling when we rejoice in someone else’s happiness. It is not accompanied by a destructive sense of injustice but causes sincere joy and a good-natured desire to have the same that another person has. In short, this is called, “envy in a good way.”
How to overcome the feeling of envy and start living a normal life? To do this, you need to strengthen your psyche and love yourself. It is not easy and not fast, but there are practical tips that will help you become psychologically strong.
How to deal with envy
If this is such a negative feeling, then isn’t there some magic pill from it that will remove it as a symptom? Unfortunately, it is not so easy to get rid of envy. This is a part of human psychology, which is laid down in the base and can only be dealt with by self-education. How was it with Flaubert? “Education of the senses”? This is what you have to do: study, think more, write, read books, and develop your interests. While this is all in a heap, it is not clear what these activities have to do with envy, but we will put everything on the shelves.
Find self-sufficiency
Jealous, you think that the person who has achieved success is smarter and more talented than you. All this is nonsense because each of us has potential, it’s just that this person saw it earlier and began to develop it in himself. To feel confident and achieve your goals, you need to become self-sufficient.
You need to start by accepting yourself. The way you are, with all the advantages and disadvantages. Take a diary, and a pen and describe yourself as you see yourself: harmful, funny, rude, shy, etc. And then analyze what was written and think about how objective your assessment is. Surely, if you have low self-esteem, then there will be more negative qualities, and if you are narcissistic, then many qualities can be exaggeratedly good. So be it, the first step has been taken.
The next step is self-knowledge. Your assessment may seem quite objective, but are you sure you know yourself? A simple practice helps to understand yourself – keeping a diary. Often write down your feelings and impressions, both negative and positive. This is important because they make it clear that you like, are interesting, and are happy. All this, like a puzzle, will gradually take shape into a whole picture of understanding and acceptance of oneself. It is then that you will feel confident and self-sufficient, the one who is fit to envy everyone around you.
Develop interests
Interests or, if you wish, hobbies are also an important element of a self-sufficient personality. A person with certain interests will not pay attention to pretentious posts on Instagram, if only because he does not have time for this. And it might just seem ridiculous. For example, if you are an enthusiastic traveler, then nature, architecture, cuisine, and theater will become the main thing for you, and you can easily tell vividly about what you see. Therefore, mindlessly taking a picture against the backdrop of the Eiffel Tower in an unnatural pose and putting it on display for everyone is not for you. “It’s just stupid, what’s there to be jealous of?” You will think and wonder how you did not understand this before. Interests change your worldview, occupy and give meaningfulness.
Love yourself
Perhaps the most difficult point of all. If you are self-critical and prone to reflection, then loving yourself will not be an easy task. But with good preparation, it will come to you by itself. Look, you are a conscious, self-sufficient, and enthusiastic person, so why not love yourself? Why envy others when there is a favorite hobby in your life that you understand and can give odds to anyone in this; a job that brings even a small but stable income and is it enough to implement plans and wishes? Your strengths will lead you to the fact that you are worthy of healthy and conscious self-love.
Find your social circle
Envy often arises from a lack of communication, when you, like a lonely snail, hide in a shell from the outside world and look at it through the window of your friends’ social networks. Therefore, it is important to gradually increase the circle of people with similar views and common interests. This is your support group. Together with them, it will be easier for you to understand your emotions, and desires and just enjoy life. Believe me, in good company, negative feelings recede or go away for good.
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Self-development books
Reading books on psychology helps you to better understand yourself and understand relationships with others. Read more useful literature, for example:
- Carol Dweck, The Flexible Mind (this quote briefly and very accurately describes the contents of the book: Fluid worldview makes life easier);
- Ilse Sand, The Compass of Emotions. How to deal with your feelings;
- Beth Evans, “I didn’t think it through at all!” (from the author’s personal story, you will learn a lot about growing up, accepting yourself, and fighting envy).
Seek Professional Help
If your jealousy is severe or persistent and is causing significant distress in your life, consider seeking professional help. A therapist or counselor can help you identify the root causes of your jealousy, develop coping strategies, and improve your overall emotional and mental well-being.
Summarizing
If this is too long a way for you and you are looking for salvation from envy right now, then try the following methods:
- Stop comparing yourself to others. The maximum you can compare is yourself before and after working on yourself.
- Don’t focus on your weaknesses. Treat yourself with respect and do not humiliate your dignity.
- Don’t underestimate other people’s accomplishments. Perhaps they, just like you, struggled to achieve success.
- Do not look for justice in everything. It simply does not exist and there is no need to upset yourself once again.
- Limit the time spent on social media. Better study English, watch a series or read.
- Rest actively. Ride your bike, go to the beach with friends, or just take a walk around the city more often.
- Set a goal. Do everything in your power to make your dream come true.
Simple tips will help get rid of envy, the main thing is not to be lazy and work on yourself. Feel free to leave your questions in the comments. See you in new articles.