You know about who is an abuser and how to recognize him! Healthy relationships in a couple are a two-way process. They are built on trust, mutual respect, and compromise solutions. It doesn’t work that way with an abuser. He lives in a toxic atmosphere and feels most comfortable in it. They are not led by love and understanding. His priority is the desire to manipulate and dominate. So who is an abuser: a person who hides his complexes behind cruelty or an offender who does everything consciously? Let’s take a closer look at this tricky issue.
Who is an Abuser?
A bit of terminology: abuse (English) means cruel treatment of a person or animal. I think it is not necessary to explain that an abuser is someone who skillfully uses this skill. More often, abusers are men who use their natural strength for physical and psychological pressure. Women are less likely to act in this role, however, this also occurs. They show emotional abuse, in which men are subjected to insults, unjustified criticism, and neglect in everyday life and sex.
How does this manifest itself in men? Here everything is somewhat more complicated because they have a certain approach. There is a stereotype that abusers choose the weak and insecure, over whom it is easier to feel superior. The opposite is true: successful and interesting women become their partners much more often. Why is that? They like rivalry, they want to break, intimidate and subjugate a strong and successful person.
Another important condition: the victim must be an empath. It is easy for a sensitive person, receptive to the emotions of others, to impose a sense of guilt and dump the burden of responsibility on him. For example, when an abuser is dissatisfied or upset with something, he makes his girlfriend guilty. If she is prone to introspection, she will not even notice how she will take everything personally and will painfully think about what she did wrong. The fear of losing a relationship or offending a loved one will make her diligently please him, and sacrifice her freedom, desires, and life priorities. As a result, the abuser will be satisfied, and the poor girl will continue to suffer, not suspecting anything.
Signs of Abuse
Abusers limit their victims, and drive them into an emotional framework, influencing them psychologically and even physically. They do it slowly and prudently, so as not to frighten, but gradually reveal their essence. At the beginning of a relationship, such a man can be an incredible romantic. But over time, rudeness, cruelty, and indifference are increasingly manifested in it. What happens next: quarrels with screams, accusations, control in communication with family, and friends, and gaslighting ( a psychological impact that calls into question an adequate perception of the reality of what is happening through ridicule and accusations ) become the norm. It is not difficult to guess what this leads to.
How can you justify such psychological violence? Nothing. Some believe that this comes from self-doubt and an attempt to hide their complexes. Abusers are narcissists, they think too highly of themselves, so there can be no question of any complexes. Each broken personality further raises their self-esteem and confirms their superiority over others. They don’t care about anyone but themselves and can’t fix it. There were no cases when a toxic boyfriend, husband, or boss came to a psychologist asking for help to change them. Therefore, a girl or wife will continue to suffer until they decide to change something on their part.
How to get out of an abusive relationship
Recognizing a toxic person is not difficult. If he tries to manipulate you, blackmail, control, or stalk you, then you are in an abusive relationship. Agree that there is no smell of love, joy, and trust here. When you know by all indications that you have been the victim of an abuser, the best thing you can do is leave as soon as possible. If for some unknown reason, you are sorry to leave him, then understand one thing – you will not wait for happiness with him. Such people cannot be corrected, because they take pleasure in poisoning someone else’s life.
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It is important to remember the following:
- Do not waste your time on someone who offends you and does not appreciate you as a person;
- He deliberately causes you false feelings of guilt, the duty to him, so stop suffering and be decisive;
- You need to love and respect yourself, not succumbing to the pitiful manipulations of another person;
- If you feel danger, then immediately seek help from your parents, a crisis center, or law enforcement agencies.
The ability to recognize the abuser will come in handy in the future to stay away from them. But if you experience difficulties with this, contact a specialist who will help you understand the situation and make the right decision.