You must have noticed that relationships, like everything in our life, cannot always be in balance. They are affected by external and personal factors, exerting a positive or negative influence. I’m talking about the fact that for various reasons we begin to quarrel, get offended, and at some point, we can completely stop understanding each other. If you talk promptly and decide everything together, then this gestalt can be considered closed. But when we do not express our thoughts and feelings, they gradually accumulate, accumulate, and a crisis occurs. It can come at any time, regardless of age or time that you spent together, and lead to sad consequences.
Signs of a Crisis
Any relationship with partners, parents, or colleagues implies mutual respect and development. If this is not the case, then crises arise. Faced with them, it is necessary to calmly understand everything and change the circumstances that led to them. Because, continuing to interact in the usual way, conflicts will only escalate.
How to recognize the signs of a crisis in a relationship:
- Often it all starts with accusations. “You didn’t wash the dishes”, “you always don’t have time for me”, “you promised”, “you don’t hear me at all” – all this discontent grows like a snowball, and sooner or later it will sweep away everyone in its path.
- Of course, few people can endure such a thing for a long time. And the couple begins to gradually move away from each other, spend more time separately, and try not to contact often, so as not to run into conflicts.
- When feelings cool, people try to find a resource outside of this relationship to fill the resulting void. For example, they plunge headlong into work, spend more and more time with friends, or find someone who understands, supports, and gives more warmth than their current partners.
- But it so happens that some prefer to accept and do nothing about a clear crisis. Over time, they get used to and just live in such an unhealthy environment, as if on autopilot.
It is clear that all this eventually destroys couples. I’m not saying that crises come all at once, no. To do this, people need to get to know each other better, understand what their weaknesses and shortcomings are, and live together for some time. As a rule, the crisis occurs at certain stages of life together. It is difficult to say which ones, but there is a certain pattern that crisis therapists have noticed over time.
Crisis in Relationships
- The first crisis comes after the first year of stable relations. It is not critical, but it can still be the first step toward the parting. This, as a rule, is the discontent that arises based on joint life. Each of us is used to living in our rhythm, and when someone tries to influence us or make his adjustments, it is at least annoying. Psychologists note that compromises harm the personality. Nevertheless, if you love a person, then it is probably worth giving up something so as not to injure him and not cause aggression. When you can honestly talk to each other, talk about pain and accept someone else’s point of view, then you will find a way to solve many problems.
- The second crisis may appear in three years. Some associate it with the birth of children, as it is a huge stress for both. If the couple turned out to be mentally unprepared for such a load, then a crisis is inevitable. Imagine that your leisure time has now changed forever and you can no longer spend time carelessly just the two of you. From this arise fatigue, resentment, quarrels, and accusations against each other. To survive this stressful period, you need to unite and support your loved one in everything. Yes, it is often so difficult that hands down. But everything will become a solid foundation for a confident, happy life for your family.
- The third crisis comes at the age of seven. Romance and intimacy don’t last that long unless you’re the heroine of a romance novel. The principle of life is that everything passes: both bad and good. However, if your relationship is built on respect, mutual understanding, and support, then such love will not fade even after fifty years of marriage.
- The fourth crisis is the most difficult. It is said to occur between ten and twenty years of age. This is a rather long period, not only for the couple but for the individual as a whole. During this time, we change and reconsider our values, goals, and life guidelines. Realizing that to some extent, we did not realize ourselves as a person, that some expectations were not met, we can begin to blame the partner for this. And it seems that it is easier to disperse to start everything from scratch.
Firstly, it is not a fact that you will meet a person who will suit you. Secondly, before blaming him or her, think about what you have done usefully yourself over the past years to achieve something. Third, it is never too late to start improving yourself. This can become a motivation for action and a new happy stage will begin in your life.
How to Survive a Crisis in Relationships
There are two solutions: break up or move to a new level, that is, jointly identify and work through all the problems. It’s not easy, but that’s what loving people do. If you can’t come to an understanding in any way, then think about whether it is worth continuing the relationship with this person.
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It is important to be able to talk to each other without screaming and accusations and to laugh or be sad together. It is necessary to openly explain to your partner what worries you, what you don’t like, and why you feel bad or offended. If you keep silent, then it may seem to you that problems are solved by themselves, but this is not so. Any understatement leads to mutual disrespect, and this can be the first bell of a toxic relationship.
What to read
If I have difficult questions, I look for answers in books. They are my reliable and wise advisers who will never let you down. What to read about the crisis in relationships:
- Sue Johnson, “Hold Me Tight”;
- Alan Fruzzetti, The Conflicted Couple. How to find peace and learn to respect a partner”;
- Debbie Tang, “Together”;
- Ilse Sand, “I miss you. How to survive the pain of separation, restore relationships or let go.
And remember that it is always possible to seek help from a psychotherapist. Crisis therapy helps to understand the relationship and choose the most appropriate way out of any situation.